Just Lie About Your GPA

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There are two types of people in this world: people who don’t remember their college grade point average, and nerds. I mean, I guess there is a third category of former nerds who are bitter about their GPA and have thus banished it from their consciousness (me). But my point is that a lot of people don’t know theirs, and that you could probably just lie about it anyway.

Just put a different, better (but believable) number on your resume. No one will check. With the exception of positions within academia, I have never heard of this number being verified during the job interview process. I mean, what are they going to do, order your official transcripts? Have you ever tried to order an official transcript? It—like any other process that requires extracting information from an academic body—is a confusing, annoying process, and it costs money. Almost no employer is going to go through all that trouble to discover the truth about your college grade point average.

There are, of course, some exceptions. As mentioned above, you probably should not lie about your GPA if you are applying to a place of higher learning, as that is one place where they really do care about grades. Same goes for super-competitive fellowships and residencies. I have nothing to substantiate this, but I think law offices might care aif you are untruthful about your GPA, too.

Honestly though, this isn’t advice for the doctors and lawyers and wannabe professors—this is for people who got a B.A. or B.S. and just want to work, damn it. And for most normal person jobs, you can totally lie about your GPA, and totally get away with it. If you are worried about being caught, just don’t fudge the number too hard. Then, if you do get caught, you can just be like “Oh, my bad. I misremembered,” or “Oh, that’s a typo”—though memory is easier to blame if, like me, you aren’t fresh out of school.

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