What Foods Should Be Forever Banned From the Thanksgiving Dinner Table?

Photo: Bochkarev Photography (Shutterstock)

Now that October is behind us, it’s time to turn our attention to the next holiday on which we can gorge ourselves silly: Thanksgiving. While Halloween has the costumes and candy, Christmas and Hanukkah have the gifts, and Easter has a fictional Peeps-bearing bunny, Thanksgiving has no special characters or surprises—it’s all about the food here. (And football, I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing.)

With such a singular focus on gathering family from far and wide simply to eat a meal, that meal needs to be pretty spectacular, unmarred by tired old classics nobody actually likes, or experimental dishes that can tank the whole vibe. (We’ve all been there; one year my brother wanted to try turducken, which not only took forever, but also, in my brother-in-law’s humble assessment, “Tasted like a duck crapped out of a turkey’s ass.” But I digress.)

With so many dishes needing to hit the table at the same time, it’s normal—even expected—to have some small Turkey Day fails in the form of dried-out stuffing or runny mashed potatoes. We’re not talking about those here. What we’re talking about is the dishes that have no place on the table at all. Dishes that should be removed entirely—dishes that are, in fact, an insult to taste buds everywhere. Things like jellied cranberry sauce whose visible can marks so artfully hold together their ingredients: cranberries, high fructose corn syrup, water, and...more high fructose corn syrup.

What foods do you think should be banned from the Thanksgiving table? In a brief online search, we found others touting the demise of the classic (but soggy) green bean casserole, ambrosia salad, plain dinner rolls, and soup? No, soup is delicious. A creamy roasted butternut squash with a sprig of toasted rosemary? Chef’s kiss.

Share your thoughts in the comments, and we’ll round them up in a future post so all would-be Thanksgiving dinner hosts don’t embarrass themselves by serving their own groan-worthy dishes.

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