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It you’re looking for a creative way to make extra money, how does $2,000 for a month of doing almost nothing sound? Before you say “hell, yes,” here’s the catch: You have to already live in a house with an active pest infestation and let the infestation continue untreated for part of the month-long job.
The unique employment offer comes from the The Safer Pest Control Project, a company dedicated to “Reducing Health Risks and Environmental Impacts of Pesticides and Promoting Safer Pest Control Alternatives.” They are looking for a household that is infested with pests to “test how this infestation affects their health and wellbeing.” So they’ll regularly check in to ask how much it itches, and whether you have gone mad.
Along with the two grand, SPCP’s new employee will also receive a professional (presumably non-pesticide based) treatment to rid their home of the plague-moles, fire-wasps, death-chiggers, or other parasitic horrors that infect it.
Should you get the gig, I assume there wouldn’t be anything stopping you from hiring a Dale Gribble-stye, kill-them-with-chemicals exterminator once your employment ends, if the alternative-extermination doesn’t prove effective.
Just being infested with a colony of bed bugs is not enough for you to get the job, though. You have to apply for the gig, and the ideal candidate must be fluent in English, with access to the internet and strong written and verbal communication skills. A master’s degree or higher is preferable (OK, I made the last one up.)
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Can you imagine how terrible you’d feel if you applied for this job and didn’t get it? Like they pass you over for someone with a better writing skills, in spite of the giant ant colony that lives in your coffee table?
The whole endeavor got me thinking about which pests listed on the company’s helpful “guide to pests” would be worth living with for two weeks in exchange for $2,000.
Ants: Depends on the kind of ant. Cute ones like in the move Antz? Yes. Stinging fire ants? No.
Roaches: Oh please. Roaches are nothing. Bring on the $2,000.
Bed bugs: There is no amount of money that would be worth a bed bug infestation. Except $10 million.
Spiders: Spiders kill other bugs and keep to themselves, so I’m cool with them. Yes.
Termites: My landlord’s problem, not mine. So yes.
Ticks: Nope. Ticks are not good at all.
Raccoons: I’d pay $2,000 to have nature’s little bandits living in my house. Adorable! I’m choosing not to worry about rabies.
Chiggers: Oh, god. Chiggers are too small to see and they bite. No.
Vampire moths: These little guys can bite through thick animal hides to drink blood. They are living proof that nature is bad and must be eliminated at once. No.
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