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Around the time the pandemic hit, my husband and I were beginning to think about upgrading to a bigger home. We wanted a larger backyard with a deck to entertain, and a finished basement we could outfit with comfy couches, a TV, and maybe a Ping-Pong table. My vision was to have a home where we could gather our extended family for special occasions—and a place where our only child could corral all his friends. I wanted our house to be the tween and (eventually) teen hangout house.
There is a transition that happens sometime toward the end of elementary school, when parents stop coordinating “playdates” and kids start planning their own “hangouts.” It’s no longer a matter of scheduling get-togethers with the kids of the parents you like; now it’s about helping tweens get to-and-fro with the kids they are developing stronger bonds with. But because I know how important their friendships are to them at this age—not to mention how quality friendships can positively impact them well into adulthood—I have a vested interest in knowing the kids who are most important to my son.
Sadly, my dream teen hangout house was not meant to be. You know how this story goes: House-hunting during a pandemic seemed less than ideal, and then inventory crashed as demand skyrocketed, bidding wars ensued, all-cash offers were being thrown every which way, and now interest rates are what they are. But I have also found that you don’t need a huge space or a lot of money to make your home the place where your kids and their friends gravitate to after school and on the weekends.
Start by being the parent who offers
Step one in making your kid’s friends comfortable around you and in your home is by being the parent who offers. Offer car rides to school, offer to pick a couple up on the way to the pool, offer to open up your backyard to a slew of newly minted middle-schoolers (then put a TV and a Nintendo Switch outside, serve pizza, and be a hero).
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I drove my son’s best friend (and the friend’s little brother) to school so much last school year that they totally let their guard down around me. The meandering conversations they had, the insults they flung at each other, the “yo mama” jokes they told (and knew I’d laugh at), I was there for all of it. My door was also the one they’d knock on when one realized halfway on the walk to school that they had their saxophone but not their music and needed a quick ride to get it.
If you’re there for them and welcoming of them when they’re young, they’ll feel comfortable with you and in your home as they get older, and more likely to keep coming back.
Create a hangout space
A few years ago, before we even hoped to move, I was looking for ways to expand the living space we did have—and create a specific hangout spot for my son and his friends in the process. I took what seemed like an unlikely choice—the unfinished basement of my circa 1925 home—and transformed it into a what we dubbed the Kid Cave. Once I had this space for them, having kids over regularly felt more manageable because they had a place to play video games loudly that was not right in the middle of our small living room—and they had more privacy away from us.
This summer, with our renewed commitment to this house, we decided to go one step further than the Kid Cave and extend our backyard patio. Gone is much of the grass, but in its place is a spot where I envision middle schoolers and eventually high-schoolers hanging out around a fire pit or playing quoits. If you don’t have the flexibility to create a new space for them, you can add additional seating to their bedroom so they can better congregate in there. Beanbag chairs or large fluffy pillows can give them more ways to lounge around without everyone piling on the bed.
Whatever space you focus on, the key is to provide them a reasonable amount of privacy and something to do. If your house has the fun space with the table tennis, foosball, air hockey, or arcade machine, they will naturally be drawn in on a boring Sunday afternoon. Keep a stack of board games on hand that kids never grow out of, too, like Monopoly, Clue, Uno, and Twister. Someone will pull them out on a rainy day.
Stay fully stocked
Another key to being the hangout house of choice is to make sure you’ve got all the necessary supplies at any given time—by which I mean, snacks and beverages. My son’s friends know where the chips and kid-friendly drinks are stashed, and they know my supply never runs out. I keep refreshments easily accessible so they know they’re welcome to them. If ever they’re feeling famished after school, I want them to know they can swing by for a snack.
You can even keep an easy muffin or cookie mix on hand to toss in the oven when they start to settle in—the smell alone will make them want to come back. Or you can pull out pizza-making supplies and a variety of toppings and set them loose in the kitchen to whip up their own creations. You don’t have to try too hard or go all out, just make sure you’ve always got a few accessible options around.
And then, get out of their way
You want to be a welcoming presence, but you don’t want to hover. Provide the space, provide the entertainment, provide the food, and then go do your own thing.
from Lifehacker https://ift.tt/8273ZWz
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