How to Not Raise a 'Glass Child'

For the siblings of disabled children, life can be tough in ways no one else thinks about. They may worry about their sibling, while dealing with parents who are too exhausted and overwhelmed to give them equal consideration, while feeling resentful about it, while also feeling guilty that they’re resentful. The result is, many of these children

report feeling invisible, almost as if they were made of glass, with their parents looking straight through them. The term “glass child” was first coined in 2010, and has recently been circulating on social media, as siblings of disabled children discuss their shared experiences growing up.

“We sometimes underestimate what children know,” said Jami Dumler, a licensed clinical therapist with Thriveworks. For glass children, “their experience parallels their parents,” she said. Just like parents, glass children experience a mixture of grief, confusion, loss, worries, which coexists with their love for their sibling.

Complicating this experience is the fact that for young children, “they are great observers, but they are not always great interpreters,” Dumler said. As Dumler noted, if a child doesn’t know what is going on, they will inevitably make up their own story about what is happening. In many cases, the story they make up can be even worse than reality, such as finding a way to blame themselves, or thinking the situation is even more dire than it actually is.

“Being a glass child can often be very lonely and isolating,” Dumler said. This can include feeling overlooked at home, struggling to connect with their siblings, or feeling isolated from their peers at school, who may not understand the realities of their home life.

How parents can support glass children 

Parenting a child with special needs can be overwhelming, whether it’s tending to their complex medical needs, or having to navigate social services, in order to get the necessary supports. As result, many parents report feeling exhausted and burnt out, which can lead to them overlooking the needs of their other children. “It can be easy to forget about the needs of the glass child sibling,” Dumler said. Some glass children will also feel the need to overcompensate, by becoming the perfect, overachieving child, or they will feel as if they cannot bring up their issues with their parents.

The good news is that, “time and time again, research shows that a little can go a long way,” Dumler said. Spending time with a glass child need not be extensive or overly formal, but rather can happen in smaller increments of time, whether it’s checking in with them during the car ride to sports practice, taking them out for ice cream at regular intervals, or finding ways of touching bases on a regular basis.

It also helps to keep the glass child informed as to what is going on with their sibling. “It’s really important that parents give siblings language to understand what is happening,” Dumler said. This language will need to be age-appropriate, but the more a child understands about what is going on, the better they will be able to process it. “Knowledge is power,” Dumler said.

There are also resources available, such as the Sibling Support Project, which are dedicated to helping the siblings of people with special needs, or Siblings Resources, which offers resources for the adult siblings of individuals with disabilities.

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