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Teachers get to know our children pretty well by spending several hours a day with them, but we can’t expect them to intuit the fine details of what’s going on outside of school for a whole classroom of children. Open communication between parents and teachers is essential, but how much do you share? And how do you not cross the line into oversharing?
Dr. Emily W. King, a child psychologist in Raleigh, N.C., has advice on talking to teachers about your child’s home life and why it’s important. In a recent newsletter, King wrote that withholding information is a barrier to parent-teacher collaboration. That’s because if your family is going through a stressful situation at home or your child is receiving services and treatment outside of school, they will bring those stresses and lessons into the classroom with them. The more information teachers have about their students’ personal lives, the more able they are to connect with and support them.
What personal information should you share with your child’s teacher?
For Child Mind Institute, writer Emily Graham listed seven things you should tell teachers about your child:
- Health conditions
- Family changes (death, divorce, new siblings, moving house)
- Personality traits or behavior issues
- Strengths and weaknesses
- Learning style
- Study habits
- Special interests
Much of this information will be revealed in school records or through getting-to-know-you steps early in the school year. However, if any big changes occur mid-year, like a new diagnosis or a family issue, parents should keep teachers in the loop. Expect to hear from teachers if they notice big changes, too.
“When it comes to communication between parents and teachers, no news is good news. Teachers will let you know when they are concerned,” King said. “Try to only share situations that have become problematic patterns for your child like extended sleep difficulties, sickness, anxiety, or frustration with learning rather than something that has only happened once and might be a fluke.”
When to communicate with teachers
You usually get a couple of formal meetings during the year to talk to teachers about how your child is doing in school. But if something has changed at home or is likely to impact your child at school now, don’t wait for the designated conference time to bring it up.
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“Anything happening in a child’s life that will impact their focus, energy level, mood, or ability to socialize with others can negatively impact their learning. Leaving a teacher in the dark about these things can leave them at a disadvantage for figuring things out on their own and possibly misunderstanding your child,” King said. “That said, teachers have minimal time to read emails and messages from parents so we want to share only the most relevant information with them.”
Keep in mind that while open communication with teachers is important, so are boundaries. Try to communicate during regular business hours and give teachers a minute (or a day) to respond.
“There will be exceptions if your child is struggling more often, but generally speaking, minding boundaries builds trust,” King wrote. Her tip for honoring boundaries: Draft messages to teachers in your notes app and save it until the next day to review and send. It will help you get some perspective on tough topics and respect the teacher’s private time.
How to share
It’s never too late (or too early) to ask teachers their preferred way to communicate. Your school may use a messaging app, or teachers may prefer text messages or emails.
“Make sure to establish early how and when your teacher (and you) communicate best. If your child doesn’t need anything extra, then the several parent-teacher conferences per year are likely enough,” King said. “Again, no news is good news. Always thank teachers for all they are doing and present yourself as a collaborative partner in supporting your child.”
Not every child will have their needs met by the status quo, though.
“If you are seeking additional support services for your child, it’s important to present any outside diagnosis in writing to the teacher and an administrator. Sometimes the school counselor is involved and sometimes the school psychologist is involved, but the administrator will be able to tell you the process of seeking additional support based on the new information you are sharing with the team,” King said.
How to get comfortable opening up to a teacher
Maybe your child’s teacher is virtually a stranger and you feel a little weird opening up about your family’s private business. If your child is going through something, chances are that you feel overwhelmed or emotional too. Remember, educators are part of the village helping to raise your child, and you want them to have all the tools and information they need to do a good job.
“I always recommend sharing all the information with all the people who will come into contact with your child. If you don’t, the adults interacting with your child will always be operating from a disadvantage,” King wrote. “If you do not trust someone on your child’s team, talk to the school administrator about your concerns so they can help build trust rather than continuing to work with limited information.”
Building trust and open communication with teachers will be the foundation for helping a child get through small snags and big changes during the school year.
“Trust is built on respecting boundaries and supporting a teacher’s expertise. You are the expert on your kid at home and in the community, and the teacher is the expert in the classroom. Respecting the perspective of your child’s teacher builds trust. If you think your child’s teacher needs more training to understand your child, discuss that with administrators,” King said. “Also, sharing your time and resources to support your child’s teacher by volunteering or donating supplies goes a long way in building collaborative trust.”
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